“… I should go back.”

auftragstaktik:

Gilbert learned a long time ago the value of food and did his best to reduce how much of it he wasted. As he quietly nibble on the cake, he kept his gaze on the food and away from Roderich. He couldn’t look him in the eye after what he had said. 

Which left them both in silence, something that neither of them handled well when they were alone with each other. In the past, someone would say something and get the other so worked up, they were either spitting loud, angry insults or rolling on the ground trying to kill each other.

He felt no shame or regret in purposefully doing things to piss off Roderich. They were rivals and enemies first. 

The second bite of cheesecake, he savoured more and took the time to actually chew before swallowing it down. It was good. Had the right amount of sweetness to it, he made the right decision to eat it first. Gilbert wondered if Lilli made it herself. He’d ask her the next time he saw her. 

When Roderich mentioned he was leaving, his eyes followed after their form and it was with a slight frown did he get up. He was perplexed. Where they going to leave him alone in the apartment?

Curiosity flared and he quietly trailed behind them. Taking in how they were holding their head, but not yet commentating on it. Gilbert remembered the last time Roderich had left him with an empty apartment, coupled with a pride that would not let stop until he had the last word, it wasn’t long before he was slamming Roderich up against the wall. Staring at them with a mixture of uncertainty towards his own actions and irritation. 

He had something to else to say, but he dropped it the moment he opened his mouth. What was the point in dragging it out. If Roderich wanted to leave, let him leave Gilbert.

”..Don’t get yourself mugged.”

—and then he backed off, making his way to kitchen without a glance back but at least he got the last word out.

The light patter of noise following him to the door alerted him of the others presence without him having to look back, so he bore no look of surprise when he was abruptly whipped around by the offender’s hand and shoved hard back against the wall paneling behind him.

“…” There it was, some normality right before him. It wasn’t a calm, collected Gilbert who would hold him and apologize when he wronged him, it was something he actually knew how to deal with.

Something that didn’t make him nauseous and anxious to be in the same room as. He almost found the rightness of mind to say something to them until those final words like the other’s mouth and he just.. lost it, before he had even obtained it.

Standing there watching the other walk away, something began ringing in his head, louder than any of the other bustling, rapid thoughts which left him in such a haze. The longer he stood there, the louder these words rang until his head began to ache with a developing migraine.

Sliding his eyes shut to try and desperately find his composure, he slowly lifted one hand to reach for the doorknob behind him. Blindly fumbling around for it shortly, he cursed a few times in a whisper to himself until he located it. Forcing his eyes back open, he quickly fled from the apartment and slammed the door shut behind him.

auftragstaktik:

Eighty perfect of Gilbert’s life was filled with him being utterly ruthless which is why he was used to people treating him badly for his actions. It helped that he only cared for five people, loved an even less amount, but that did not mean his heart was completely empty. Gilbert could feel like any other human and could hurt just as well. 

He felt like smashing Roderich’s face in though. His was still missing the point and that meant Gilbert would have to explain in simple words so they would stop assuming the wrong thing. “That’s not it. That’s not it at all.”

It was easier on him with Roderich not looking at his face, seeing his expression. Inhaling again, he calmed himself before he continued. If he was angry, it was likely the other would simply brush it off and go back to ignoring the problem.

“First, why would you getting your head kicked traumatize me? Secondly, I’m not letting go until I wanna’, so don’t even try to make me. You’ll be wasting your strength.

Thirdly, this is the important part so pay attention, I don’t care if you die because that’s the easiest thing to do, our special circumstances aside. 

If you die, it won’t matter if she hates you and refuses to talk to you— You die and everything’s over. You don’t need to worry about the consequences of your actions. 

It’s living that’s the hard part— Having to keep going when people hate you, especially when it’s the people you care it.

You may act like it doesn’t affect you, her words and her ignorance, but I know you’re hurting.”

He knew from experience when someone you were trying to protect and nurture didn’t see eye to eye with you. Ludwig was his pride and joy, and they rarely talked a friendly word to each other. Gilbert was fine with that, Ludwig didn’t need a relationship with him, but it hurt even when he was the one saying hurtful words and refusing affection. Gilbert let Ludwig villainized him, pushed for it even because he was doing his best to make his little brother a strong person, and pampering Ludwig was the wrong thing to do. To be the good guy, there had to be a bad guy. 

With Roderich’s hand heavy against his back, Gilbert tried to keep himself from tensing,  how uncomfortable did he have to make this?

“Look, I’m not going to waste my time and energy to force you to apologize because you’re a stubborn asshole with a superiority complex the size of Europe, but I’m.. “

He couldn’t say it, the words died in his throat and his grip on Roderich tightened. “Not going to leave you alone.” 

There, that was neutral enough for him to spit out.

Scoffing, he rolled his eyes toward the side of the others head, which was all that he could see of them in this position. Seeing as they had ruined what little peace they had between them, he figured rephrasing himself couldn’t ruin it anymore. “I was asking if the sight of blood brought back something traumatic for you, not implying you’d be legitimately upset by the sight of me bleeding. I wouldn’t peg you for being.. that caring.” Those words had begun to sink in, mixing with his blood stream, his mind and affecting his ability to get those last few words out confidently. ”.. Not in a million years..”

Though he said that, he finally stopped speaking over them once he was finished and humored their demands to listen closely. The mention of a ‘she’ wasn’t something he was confused on, it instantly clicked in his head who they were referring to. So Gilbert was paying attention to his surroundings.

Such a small thing meant very little to him in comparison to what he was learning from the other’s rant. Gilbert had taken notice of Roderich’s personal life and even absorbed little details about him that Roderich hadn’t thought for even a second the other was capable of. They were things no one else seemed to notice, no matter how much time passed, so to have Gilbert mention them in a conversation left him baffled, in shock.

“… I didn’t know you liked me enough to learn things about me, Gilbert.” The first thing Roderich could find to say was insulting, and he didn’t plan on apologizing about that, either. “It only took you several centuries to do it, but I applaud you anyways. You told me not too long ago that I was a heartless bastard who couldn’t feel love.” The reason why he didn’t feel like apologizing to him wasn’t because he simply felt the need to be cruel to the other man, it was because they had always been mutually cruel to each other. Tearing and ripping at each other’s egos until one surrendered.

Gilbert had never been this compassionate to him before, so Roderich expected course of action was to respond defensively. “.. I’ll admit, I’m upset about what Lilli said. I’m insulted over being called abusive by the one person I’ve probably never done any real harm to, and even more so that she ran to You of all people when it was over. You may think I’m torn up about this, but I’m not, Gilbert.”

“Your tiny Piefke brain may not be able to comprehend why I do these sorts of things, but I don’t have any friends or anyone I would consider real family, and that’s not an accident or a mistake on my part.. I do my best to be the cold, manipulative bastard you hate so much. Believe me when I say that becoming close to Lilli in the first place was the real mistake.. and not being able to distance myself from her even when I had the chance was another.”

Taking in another deep breath, he leaned back from the other to place his hands on their chest, attempting to gently coax the other into letting go of him without having to use force. “If Lilli were to decide she hates me, I wouldn’t stop her, not because I’m stubborn like you say.. because it’d be correcting a long-time problem of mine.”

prekrasnyjurodstvo:

“Very well, take a seat anywhere.” He stands, finding vodka from a nearby cabinet and somehow managing to pour them shots. Not bad, for a blind man.

It was because of times like these that Roderich often forgot the other’s condition. There was quite an expanse of time between the last time he’d had such a strong drink and now that he cringed a bit while it went down. “Ahhh.. This is why your country is in constant turmoil.”

prekrasnyjurodstvo:

“I have vodka, brandy, whiskey, and wine. Take your pick, friend.”

“—Vodka; I think I’ve had my fair share of wine lately.”

prekrasnyjurodstvo:

“I suppose that they are. I need a drink.”

“May I join you?”

prekrasnyjurodstvo:

“Not really. Things are well enough at hand.” He pauses, looking unhappy. “Though I did get into a fight, and now many are upset with me. Even though I did not start it.”

”.. Our lives are very much the same right now, I see.”

(( weLL SHE FEELS BETTER NOW OMFG ))

yOU KNOW WHO DOESN’T THO

rdoerich